WARNING – The following post contains information about bags of poo and bodily functions. It is not my fault if you continue reading. Nuff said…
So here is the thing. I have been obsessive about keeping my stoma clean of poo. The problem is its current environment is a bag full of the stuff. My obsession with keeping it absolutely clean has had some consequences, leaking being one of them. Stoma appliances (poo bag for you non-medical types) are not meant to be fussed with overly much. You just empty them, clean them up a bit and then reseal the bag using the velcro seal at the bottom, at least my type. Messing with the bag too much stresses the appliance, for which the manufacturer did not think to make allowances. If they had, the things would be as big as a house, made of metal and certified by NASA. Second it all takes time and you can’t even enjoy the reading material as you are handling a bag of poo.
Then I had an epiphany in the middle of one of my more obsessive moments. The small intestine is regularly, in fact constantly, full of poo. A little poo on the part currently sticking out of my body is not going to hurt it. Giving up that obsession means less time handling a bag of poo, and more time for other obsessions in my life. Win, win.
One last thing – the winner of the “How do you lubricate an ostomy bag?” competition goes to Steve Duncan from Desmoines, Iowa, who wins a free colectomy and iliostomy courtesy of the Handy Man’s Special, Colo-rectal Surgical Team in Pascagoula, MS. Thanks to all who contributed entries and congratulation to Steve for his winning entry: “10w-30 works for the car why not for the bag?”
It is September already and not much has been going on. Well, that is a big fat lie. I have started chemo again, I had a 250cc fluid buildup drained from my abdomen and I lost my job. But other than that every thing is just honky dory.
So what the heck is honky dory even mean? Well since I could find no humor in my medical life at the moment, I decided to give the web a shot at cracking the mystery. It turns out, as reported by www.urbandictionary.com, the mystery is not so deep – bummer.
Originated by post WW II US Sailors on liberty in Yokosuka, Japan. The strip right outside the main gate to the US Naval Base was called (and still is) Honcho Dori (means book district street in Japanese). Times were wild and there was no better sailor port in the world at the time. This was bastardized to Honky Dory by the sailors and it came to mean if you came from Honky Dory then everything had to be good or ‘honky dory’.
Well, now that that mystery has been solved, I have not much to say, except this, and you can quote me on this – If you ever have a medical situation that involves more than one doctor or tests, buy yourself an iPod Touch. Mine has saved my butt several times now. I keep all my appointments on it and even have pictures of my tumors and MRI on it. I went for the fluid drain and the nurse said that there was a problem, they never received the data from the lab. I gave her my iPod, a quick overview of looking at pictures on the iPod and sent her to show the doctor who required the information. The nurse practically danced back into the room! We continued on with the procedure, which involved several large needles lots of syringes and bags to hold them. Prior to my drainage procedure, I showed the MRI pics to both my surgeon and oncologist (it was a busy week – again – thank the Lord for my iPod Touch). Both doctors used words like “too cool” and “wow” and “I gotta gitt me one o’ those.” Okay, I fabricated the last quote, but you get the idea. It was just one more thing to prove once again, it is good to be a geek.
One last thing – does anyone have any tips for lubricating an ostomy bag for easy emptying? I hate it when it gets all gunked up, such a mess! I know they have bag lubrication liquid I can buy, but it is expensive and now that I don’t have a job, I suspect money will get tight eventually. Someone suggested dish soap – anyone recommend a brand? I know Palmolive is gentle on your hands, but I wan to keep those clear of the contents of the bag.
P.S. I am still working on my “life clutter” project – almost done, then I will post some pics!